Comparing ourselves to others is never healthy, good or bad, but as we work on that process, it’s easy to deny certain aspects of yourself that may be perfectly fine. For instance, it might not be that you have a wise-crack and funny joke to tell like a particular friend of yours does, but you may be patient and kind, which is just as important and endearing. Remember, you don’t need to be the same as others to be worthwhile.
However, when it comes to our bodies, we can often forget that principle rather quickly. After all, there will always be someone taller, more attractive, more in shape and more “genetically gifted” than we are. But does that matter? After all, it’s unlikely you look at people who may be subjectively less “conventionally attractive” than you are and to judge them for it, and if you did you would be in the wrong.
So why can’t we extend that courtesy to ourselves? Why do we reject ourselves for our insecurities? In this post, we’ll discuss that tendency and hopefully help you take healthier steps forward.
Improvement & Acceptance
In life, it’s always healthy to take a proactive effort toward the little things we can change, and accept those we cannot. For instance, if you are considering liposuction, then that might be a way forward for you to get started on a weight loss journey. This is optional, however, because learning healthier habits and loving your weight as you gently move into a healthier, appropriate weight for your height can be just as ideal.
Improvement and acceptance don’t have to be at odds. For example, it may be that you have a small birthmark that is notable but unique. There’s no shame needed here. However, you may also have a tattoo that you feel has outlived its usefulness and meaning to you, so paying to have that removed can be ideal. As you can see, learning to love yourself is the precursor to changing or improving for the right reasons, instead of fitting an artificial standard of who you should be.
Judge Others Less, Too
Most of us would admit that the worst habit we practice is judging others. In some areas of life this is important, for instance, we tend to judge how our friends or partners treat us to make sure that the effort we’re putting into that relationship is reciprocated, even in the small ways they may be capable of.
However, this “troubleshooting” mindset can be a little less helpful than we’d like. If you fall into judging others for what they wear, how they look or how they present themselves, you begin to turn the same criteria towards yourself. This is never a healthy approach, because all it does is artificially limit our sense of self and confidence.
All of a sudden, you’ll find yourself jumping through many hoops you’ve put there yourself, convinced that unless you meet all those markers of heightened standards, you don’t deserve love or to be appreciated. Judging others less is the first step towards accepting yourself, because we all have flaws, and it’s humbling to understand that.
Consider The Source Of Your Insecurity
In therapy, most practitioners will simply ask you to recount experiences or thoughts and emotions in full sentences. When you do that, by speaking or writing a journal entry, you begin to formulate your actual thoughts and perspectives into a tangible viewpoint as opposed to vague feelings. This can help you understand yourself.
That’s why it’s good to use this process to consider the source of your insecurity in the first place. It might be that you’re worried about having a weak jaw, because in your school years someone made fun of you for it. Since then, you just accepted that as truth, despite your jaw causing you no issues and looking perfectly normal.
Once you write that down, you realize just how much you’ve outsourced certain perspectives to other people, good and bad. You get to see just how silly that is, and then take a new look at yourself for a fresher perspective. This way, self-denial and insecurity is replaced with amusement that you ever thought that perspective was valid in the first place. It’s a subtle shift, but it can be good to do this in adulthood, because you never know how many of these perspectives have stayed with you over time.
With this advice, you’re sure to fall in love with the target of your securities, accepting yourself and others in equal measure.
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